Ah…

Saya memandang rekaman acara akad nikahnya. Mantan saya. Mantan pacar saya yang paling lama. Tiga tahun lho saya bertahan sama dia. Nggak pernah pacaran selama itu sebelumnya maupun sesudahnya. Well, tiga tahun putus 4 kali. Akhirnya setelah putus yang terakhir, saya memutuskan bahwa memang kita nggak sejalan saja. Biar bagaimanapun, pada saat saya berpacaran dengannya, saya tidak bisa membayangkan menikah dengannya. Setiap ada yang menanyakan kapan menikah kepada kami dulu, yang muncul di kepala saya adalah saya menjadi tamu pernikahannya. Seperti sekarang ini. Tetapi menurut saya, sebagai teman, dia tetap orang yang sangat menyenangkan. Maka, putuslah kami. Dan kami masih berteman sangat baik hingga sekarang.

Kemarin dia menikah. Menyenangkan sekali melihatnya menikah. Sumpah. Saya tidak pernah menyangka bahwa dia yang akan menikah duluan. Karena, kalau kau mengenalnya, kau juga tidak akan menyangka bahwa dia sudah sesiap itu untuk menikahi seseorang. Dan sekarang, di antara ribuan tamu yang hadir di acara resepsi pernikahannya siang ini di sebuah gedung serba guna di bilangan Jakarta Selatan (cie…tabloid pisaaaan…), saya mengantri untuk salaman sambil sesekali tersenyum melihat video akad nikah yang sudah dilangsungkan sehari sebelumnya. Dia kelihatan yakin. Mantap. Siap. Bahagia. Senangnya. Looping. Dan sesekali mata saya menangkap foto-foto pre-wedding yang dipajang di beberapa titik sepanjang jalur antrian salaman. Kadang saya bertegur sapa dengan tante-tantenya atau teman-temannya yang mondar-mandir. Karena saya datang dengan ibu dan bapak saya, saya juga memperkenalkan mereka ke tante-tante dan om-omnya. “Ini papa mamaku, tante - om,” kata saya. Mereka pun saling bersalaman, sambil mungkin berkata dalam hati, “Ah, sayang sekali kamu nggak jadi sama ponakanku ya.”

Setelah 45 menit berada di dalam antrian orang salaman, akhirnya sampai juga saya dan ibu bapak ke pelaminan. Kami berpelukan dan saya mencium pipi istrinya dengan bahagia. Ibu dan kakaknya memeluk saya dan memeluk ibu saya. Mereka juga tampak bahagia. Ah…saya jadi makin bahagia. Seperti lega. Saya berpikir, bahwa saya tidak bercanda dan tidak hanya berprasangka bahwa tahun ini akan menjadi tahun yang sangat berbeda bagi semua orang terdekat saya — termasuk saya sendiri, pada saat saya berulang tahun yang ke 31 tahun lalu.

Pernikahan dari banyak teman-teman terdekat saya adalah salah satunya. Tak lama lagi, salah seorang sahabat saya juga akan menikah. April yang baru lalu, salah seorang sahabat saya juga sudah menikah, dan menjelang akhir tahun, salah seorang mantan saya juga akan menikah lagi. Hm. Tiba-tiba saya merasa bahwa tugas saya sudah selesai. Sudah saatnya bagi saya untuk melanjutkan kehidupan saya juga. Masing-masing dari mereka sudah bertemu dengan orang-orang yang bisa menjaga dan menyayangi mereka hingga akhir hayat.

Menyenangkan sekali. Lagi-lagi, di tengah mengantri, kali ini untuk makanan, saya bertemu keluarganya yang menyapa saya dengan ramah, kami saling cipika cipiki, berpelukan dan bercakap-cakap sebentar. Layar televisi kembali memperlihatkan acara akad nikah sehari sebelumnya. Gerak bibirnya mengatakan dengan mantap, “Saya terima nikahnya…”

Ah…

The Tale Of Miss Spits

There was once a Miss Spits
Who lives two doors down

She wakes up in the morning
Goes to the bathroom
Comes back to her boudoir
Gets dressed puts her make up on
Makes a few calls
Orders some breakfast
Then she’d cough cough cough
And we’d hear phlegm phlegm phlegm

Miss Spits opens her door
Coughs coughs coughs
And you can hear phlegm phlegm phlegm
Miss Spits jacks up her lungs with a push
And aims for the gutter
Always aims for the gutter

And the gutter she misses
Every single time
She misses every single time

Then Miss Spits closes the door again
Calls her man chats and gets ready
Her man comes around on a motorbike
Miss Spits gets out and locks the door

Walks on by she coughs phlegm
Aims for the gutter once again
Misses it for the hundreth of times
And walks on by steps on her own spits
That missed the gutter
Every single time before then

Cheryl Long

This could never be a song
Had I not met you Cheryl Long
Ever since the first date
I knew that all was fate
Giving me the eye
Giving me the nod
And the wings to fly
To be closer and closer to God

Would you be mine Cheryl Long
With your smile, your touch I am strong
All the pain the troubles they’re gone
Because with you Cheryl Long, I am James Bond

THE TWO SIDES OF SAY SOMETHINGS

PART 1

say something
like when you say that I’m your everything
like when you say that without me you’re nothing
like when you say that you would do anything anything
because to me you’re forever my everything everything
so say something say something
don’t you just silent and standing there staring
this is a goodbye, oh darling

say something say anything
about why we were once a thing
that metamorphosed to nothing
but say something say something
my world is collapsing
it’s crumbling close to nothing
i know it won’t change a thing
but let me let me remember everything

about why we’re parting
about when we were once a thing
about how we metamorphosed to nothing
i just need to hear you say something
say something say something say something

PART 2

say something
say something about the birds and the bees
about the flowers and the trees
about our dreams that have wings
about how smittened we are cause love stings
about binds that blossom
and grow tall, o it feels awesome

say something
say something about you and i
about a match made on earth
about the familiar joy and all the mirth
about the smiles so blissful like the gift of birth
about a tale a story a myth
that says something about you
and something about me
how we started from the day
when you held my hands in yours
looked me in the eyes so deep
then you said, “I’m in love with you.”

I didn’t say a word then
I thought I was dead and
I heard your voice again
so close to my ears whispering,
“Say something…”

The Art of A Broken Heart

I walked into the mall. My ears caught a sad song. Why is it, after we broke up, all the sad songs make sense. I let myself being guided voluntarily into a hall filled with paintings. What a pair. The sad songs and the paintings and how when I looked around I felt represented by each and every painting hung on the panel.

I was cut up and put back in random like cubism. I was mellow and teary like the impressionists. I was in rage and out of sort, abstract, not defined. I was torn between pain and relief but still glued to the same body, the pain goes to the right and the relief goes to the left, but my feet planted still on the ground, surreal. I was welling up and ready to flood out in public when the chorus of the song hit my ears, it was real, it was real. I was feeling the pain, it was real. Like the painting of a man knocking down a wall in meticulous detail, like it was a photograph, like it was real. Like my heart was the wall. Knocked down, brick by brick. The painting was called, “The Execution”. Ha. How fitting. Break it down. Break it down slow…brick by brick…

The sad song hit the chorus the second time.

“Don’t they knooow, it’s the end of the world…it ended when you said goodbye…”

I caught my tears in time. Half running out of the hall thinking, why does all the sad songs make sense after we broke up?

chew…

Eating you romantically in my mind
Chew chew chew chew
Throw in a kiss or two or more than a few
But mostly
You and I we chew chew chew chew
Romantically too
Don’t you always want me to
Chew chew chew…

you you you…

The Dark Knight Intervention

Everything will be alright. Everything will be alright. Alright. Alright. Alleft. Alleft. Alleft.

You found me.
You found sitting at the bus stop
You found me sitting at the bus stop alone
You found me sitting at the bus stop alone after
You found me sitting at the bus stop alone after I was
You found me sitting at the bus stop alone after I was being struck.

By lightning.

And then you said with your eyes
And then you said with your eyes and smile
And then you said with your eyes and smile and the lines
And then you said with your eyes and smile and the lines at the corner
And then you said with your eyes and smile and the lines at the corner of your eyes

That everything will be alright. Alright. Alleft Alleft.

I took your hand in mine and stood. Unstable at first. But your other hand grabbed mine. I finally found my footing, reassured by your firm stature. And you said, “Let’s see how far we can go.”

I wanted to look into his dark eyes and asked,
“Will you keep me from the lightning?”
“Will you keep me from the cold?”
“Will you keep me company?”
“Will you keep me?”

He squeezed my palm like he could read mind. And I said,”I’m not going anywhere.”

(to Dark Knight)

Tang TANG

aku benci uang
aku benci hutang
uang bikin aku kenal hutang
hutang bikin aku tak punya uang

…

lho…kenapa aku jadi pengen beli kutang?