WHEN THE NEXT AVAILABLE GUY IS AN UNDERAGE MYSTERY
As I sit here in front my beloved IcedBook, typing this so called ‘year end closure’, I realize that I have not done this for a while. I think the last time I wrote a year end closure was 3 years ago. I think it was about friends. How I gained them and lost them. Through various causes. Betrayal, affair, death,…or just simply other socially challenged causes.
Anyway, I’m not about to dwell further on the issues of friends because this year has come to an end in a different manner to me. Let’s see what’s changed in those 3 years I’ve not ‘closed’. I’m still in love with the idea of that perfect man for me whom might not be perfect for others, but just right for me. I’m still in the job I’ve decided to take on 2 years ago. I’m still so far from lucky in love. Or maybe I am but I’m just misled somehow. I’m still estranged financially. I’m still dreaming of a perfect entrepreneurial activity I can claim my own. I’m still single. I’m still unable to meet up with my good friend Daniel since the last time I had a real nice and long civilized convo with him in May. I’m still typing on this devoted iBook I bought 5 years ago. I’m still not meeting up with Bobby and Shinta, and after a while I just kinda lost interest in trying to meet up with them. I’m still bestfriend with Amy. I’m still not getting my nude done. I’m writing more intensely, and actually having a sketchbook with me everywhere I go. I’m still in good terms with my exes. I’m still that one person who decides things in my relationship with men. And…through all the Coldplay and the U2 and the New Order songs, I’m still in love with him while he’s busy taking photos of the world events. Looks like nothing changed much in my department. But I know things changed in my bestest of friends’ Love Departments =D. Two of my very best friends in the whole world are seeing their other halves. They’re in love and predictably becoming residual in their interaction with me. I really hope that things go well with all of them, it’s about time. Geez, you don’t know half the things they had to go through in romance. Well done, fate!
To avoid myself from falling asleep while I was standing on the street to hail a bajaj, I managed to squeeze in a thing or two in between the regulars just enough to perk me and pick me up. I decided to have a little red star tattooed behind my right ear, I went to Melbourne 3 times in 2 years, all trips were work related. I finally kissed and made out with a female stripper. I almost fell in love twice with two men whom I considered compatible. Almost. We were *this* close. I changed my color scheme to red, black and white only, - the best decision I’ve made in years! I changed phone number. I ‘forgot’ to pay my home phone for 4 months because I felt like it and was almost got it disconnected. I’ve become more nomad than I’ve ever have thought possible. I saw Prodigy again, it was orgasmic. I saw Kreator. I saw Korn. I had to look after Gareth Gates for 3 straight days. I met a clairvoyant and got my palms read. Spooky but insightful. I was a MC at my sister’s wedding. And did one thing I would regret for the rest of my life; canceled a trip to Sydney to see Motley Crue. Seriously.
Which, hopefully could be remedied by 3 days trip to Bali with my parents and sister and brother in law. To do a physical closure of the new year. That would mean the counting down, the trumpet blowing, the shouting of the new coming year to the person next to you, the automatic grinning as if you are being sure that you are going to be completely happy, the slightly lifting the glass above your head for cheers, the silently wishes making while noone’s looking, the partying the partying the partying. Hm. Clink clank tink tank will I be happy in the new year ahead, ya thank?
As all the remaining regular events in my life comfortably reeling onto the coming year, I would like to conclude that, this year especially, I have become the very witness of rapid changes. Of things. Of the street rat which is now a family of rat and live in my office. Of people’s behaviors. Of my respect towards people I bump into at work. Of flippant attitude towards myself. Of love that goes to waste. Of one’s heart. It seemed to me things changed every 5 seconds leaving no intervals for the witness to even realize that things have been changed again. And again. Whereas all the things related to the spieces of MEN, stay boringly still. O yes. I still ran into them walk-first-think-later type, it’s-not-you-it’s-me type (well guess what, it *was* you!), I-still-need-time-and-more-space type, you-make-me-feel-so-comfortable-but-the-others-arouse-me-more type, I-don’t-know-what-I-want type. Come on, keep it coming…keep it coming. While I’m yawning my ass off in the corner.
Ain-nee-waaay… conclusively, the year has taught me to be more inapt with my conscience, my instinct, and my gut feeling. I also learned that: One, my bestfriends are still my best resort for comfort and a little push of courage while everything else like account balance, fucking clients, traffic, love and that guy you thought you could love and grow old with, fucked you up good in the head and crash your ego head first. Two: work ethic is a virtue and that your mouth truly is your samurai that can cut you up real fine and delicate. Three: I can’t escape enamoured married men and menchild. They seem to be popping up everywhere! Four: Yes, it’s still not our problem that guys break up with us. "It’s not you. It’s me," said a masculine voice across the table. And five: socially, I wish people to be more thoughtful in carrying themselves towards others, that people can stop behaving as if they come from THE OVER WORLD where overreacting towards every single things in their life is allowed. We should tape them and broadcast it for personal entertainment and call the show the "Queens of Drama Queens. The Over World Finalists."
Last but not least, I wish that all the decent men out there aren’t too young for me to elope with. Nikolai, why do you have to be only 22 years old?
Happier New Year everyone!
Uncategorized | Comment (1)How To Yawn Over A Candlelight Dinner Like A Diva
Yawn No. 1
Man: "…and, it’s…it’s not you. It’s me…"
Woman: "Ow, okay! Thank God! And all the while I’m thinking,’geez, is it me?"
- Note to woman:
Don’t even bother to let the man finishes his sentence. Like, what’s the use anyway?
Yawn No. 2
Man: "I think we need to have more time for ourselves. See more people…"
Woman: "You mean, be with other people? Well, darling, I couldn’t agree more. I’ve been wanting to tell you this since ages. Thank you for making it easier for all of us."
- Note to woman:
Don’t hesitate to pull your lil compact mirror and lippies right about now. Give him the impression that you are more than ready to do so. Like, why wait?
Yawn No. 3
Man: "…and that’s why I don’t think it’s going to work between us."
Woman: "Do you? Isn’t that a shame? I’m so sorry that you’d had to put up with all these. I really appreciate it though. You’ve been great. Friends?"
- Note to woman:
Do smile. And look him in the eyes like you mean it. Add a personal touch by mildly touching his hand. Give him another smile for a sweet closure. Then you can ask him to hail for the bill. Like, yeah right.
Yawn No. 4
Man: "I…I have been seeing other people."
Woman: "People? You mean you’ve been busy? Oh, honey, I’m sorry, I didn’t know. Must have been so hard on you to juggle time now that you see others too. Tell you what, I’ll step out of the way, so that you can at least have a good rest at the end of the day. I’m sure your other people wouldn’t want you to be sick."
-Note to woman:
Do smile and nod for assurance then excuse yourself to the bathroom. You are pissed. Really really pissed. Calm yourself down by spritzing your fave scent and add a touch of mascara. Continue eating or sipping the coffee as if nothing happened. You can say ’shall we go’ first if he didn’t say it. Like, you need beauty sleep ASAP.
Yawn No. 5
Man: "I’m in love with someone else."
Woman: "Wow. That’s, that’s just…wonderful. To think that love is rare these days, huh? Well, if you feel really strongly about this, then you should go for it. We can’t stop love!"
-Note to woman:
Do smile. Rest your elbow on the table, knit your fingers together and rest your chin there. Then look him in the eyes intently. Do your best to look your most sincere. Seriously. Like, totally!
10 Wommandments
1. Pick a seat with you facing the door. So that you when you can’t look at him you can look at the ‘people parade’ walking into the room and look as if you are pondering something and being thoughtful.
2. Choose a light easy meal that you can finish faster. So that when what he was about to tell you turn you off (which most definitely will), it doesn’t show much it hurts you because you finish your meal splendidly. Or, even better, if you can’t hold, you can spew it all over his face or nice suit and disappear with food poisoning excuse.
3. Always look your best for the worst disaster. If your situation would be the last thing that he wants to reminisce when he walks out that door, at least, your scent, your look, your radiance wouldn’t.
4. Always bring with you your beauty kit with your fave perfume intact. You need it. Trust me.
5. Smile. Smile. Smile. When you can’t, get charmingly busy with the food or beverage.
6. Excuse yourself to the bathroom once, and once only after you told him what you wanted to say. Give him time to soak and ponder it.
7. Ask a bestfriend for mental support by texting you every now and then, like 30-45 minutes interval to convey the impression that you are socially so in demand. It soooooo helps.
8. If you get the feeling that the night isn’t gonna be yours, you pick the place. If you think that the night is going to be yours, you pick the place. Pick a neutral place that’s neither your friends are likely to hang out. Distraction is the last thing you need.
9. Make sure you are the first to say, ‘Okay, bye! Thanks for the lovely evening." Kiss him lightly on the cheek, press his hand enough to know that you both are still human and say, as-matter-of-factly, "See you around!"
10. Never never never never ever look back. Walk on, woman. Walk on.
(Real characters in the presented events have been minimized to ‘Man’ and ‘Woman’ to avoid that slight ego crash we mortals are so accustomed to because it will definitely remind you of…wait the minute…YOU!!! And yes, everything are based on true events within the year 1998-2005.)
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Destination Yargo
disappear.gone.disparu.vanished.missing.awol.on leave.gone.done.out.vaporized.witness protection program.plastic surgery.nada.nothing.residual.vague.rien.a photo on the back of a milk carton.cosmic conspiracy. Planet Yargo.
I am.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)The Playlist for the Trip To The Thin Air Continent
1. X & Y > Coldplay
2. Backdrifter > Radiohead
3. Kissing A Fool > George Michael
4. Perfect > Smashing Pumpkin
5. Joga > Bjork
6. Undo > Bjork
7. Possibly Maybe > Bjork
8. Teardrop > Massive Attack
9. Sly > Massive Attack
10. I’m Not In Love > Olive
11. Milk > Garbage
12. Running > No Doubt
Who Moved My Pillow?
Who moved my pillow
my source of comfort
my shoulder to cry on
my soft companion
Who moved my pillow
when I left this morning it was there
tonight I came home it was nowhere
Who moved my pillow
my one and only
my bestfriend horizontally
You moved my pillow?
When I wasn’t looking
nor suspecting?
Wait! I was suspecting
that you moved my pillow
but not when I wasn’t looking
How could you move my pillow?
when I most needed it
when I most wanted it
I needed to get rest
and had wanted to sleep
Coz my fave pillow is the best
and to lose it is a weep
Now I’m yet to rest properly
Coz my pillow is missing mysteriously
So, look for it off I go
Coz someone I know
Have moved my pillow.
Percakapan Dua Orang Yang Telah Jatuh Cinta
“Hai, sayang.”
“Halo. Kamu baru bangun?”
“Sudah makan belum?”
“Lagi apa?”
“Tadi makan apa?”
“Kamu belum tidur?”
“Mau ngapain sekarang?”
“Mau ke mana?”
“Pulang jam berapa nanti?”
“Pulangnya jangan malem-malem.”
“Nanti selesai jam berapa?”
“Kenapa teleponku nggak diangkat, sayang? Kamu lagi ngapain emangnya?”
“Koq smsku nggak dibales?”
“Tadi ke mana? Aku telepon ke rumah, ke kantor koq nggak ada?”
“Kamu denger aku ngomong nggak sih?”
“Hai, cuma mau bilang met malem. Met bobo’ yah. Mimpi indah…”
“Sudah makan belum?”
“Koq jam segini belum pulang kamu?”
“Kamu di mana?”
“Koq belum makan?”
“Aku nggak enak badan.”
“Kamu jangan tidur malem-malem dong.”
“Lagi apa?”
“Lagi apa?”
“Lagi apa?”
“Lagi apa?”
“Sekarang lagi apa?”
“Tadi lagi apa?”
“Udah makan siang belum?”
“Udah makan malem belum?”
“Udah sarapan?”
“Sarapan apa?”
“Tadi makan apa?”
“Besok berangkat jam berapa?”
“Habis ini mau ngapain?”
“Besok makan apa?”
“Nanti aku telepon lagi ya.”
“Kangen.”
“Kamu kenapa?”
“Nggak apa-apa.”
“Kamu marah ya?”
“Nggak.”
“Koq kamu diem aja?”
“Kamu kenapa sih?”
“Kamu cemburu?”
“Siapa tadi?”
“Koq kamu gitu banget ngeliatinnya?”
“Kamu ngambek?”
“Kamu masih sayang sama aku nggak sih?”
“Kamu udah nggak sayang lagi ya sama aku?”
“Sayang, kamu kenapa sih?”
“Is there someone else?”
“Kamu lagi di mana?”
“Sama siapa aja?”
“Kamu lagi apa?”
“…”
Antonimologi
Aku mengapung di darat
dan berlari di udara.
Terjun dari pinggiran pantai
dan memanjat di padang rumput.
Berjalan di atas air
dan mengarungi lautan pasir.
Pagi menjadi begitu gelap
dan malam adalah
langit biru yang cerah.
Meriah pelangi hitam putih
angin berhembus warna jingga.
Aku menyuap nasi
Dengan kaki kananku ke telinga kiriku.
Mulutku mendengarkan ocehanmu
Sementara hidungku mengerjap-ngerjap
dan mataku bersin tak henti-henti.
Lalu aku meminum segelas nasi gurih dan
mengunyah sepiring air jeruk hangat.
Gluk. Gluk. Gluk. Telinga kiriku menelan
Nasi gurih lalu jeruk hangat.
Nyah. Nyah. Nyah. Telinga kananku menelan.
Tiba-tiba kedua telingaku tertawa.
Ha. Lalu lebih banyak lagi suara
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha keluar dari kiri dan kanan.
Dan hidungku menangis tak habis-habis.
Di saat yang bersamaan.
Aku sudah terbelah dua.
Aku sedang menangis dan tertawa.
Aku sudah jatuh cinta.
Miss, And Hit.
I miss ‘it’. Miss to be inspired. Miss the meaningful conversation. Miss the affirmation of my action. Miss the comfortable silences. Miss the object of my angst and desires. Miss the target of my affection. Miss the knowledge of a significant others. Miss the part of being the object of desires by one person in regular basis. Miss the signature complaints of my misbehavior. Miss the opportunity to evolve and grow old together. Miss that hundredth of lines that enrich the smile and intensify the laughter around the corner of one’s eyes. Miss the synchronized activities and collective decisions made between the normal and wee hours. Miss the stupid fights that unveil the beauty of one’s fundamental self. Miss discovering the allergies and the favorite food. Miss being found. Miss the approving nod from across the room and the wink to signal that it is time to leave. Miss shared tidbits of the day, the week and the month ahead. Miss it all immensely.
Like a good hit on the head.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)PinUps
Christopher Walken - Willem Dafoe - Harvey Keitell - Ralph Fiennes - Ed Harris - Jul Brenner - Tim Roth - Kevin Bacon - Steve Buschemi - Stephen Dellaney - Dean Winters - Kevin Spacey - Brett Anderson - Robert Carlyle - Dylan McDermott - William Hurt - Gabriel Byrne - Jack Nicholson.
Aaaaah…
It’s the way their eyes smile when they smile, the way they look at the person in front of them when they’re talking to them, the way those lines around the edges of their eyes also smile and confirm you that all is well from now on. And the crease around the edges of their lips, the crooked and asymetric smile, their composed voice when they talk (of course they have to sound composed, they’re actors for cying out loud! stupid girl), their tall and lean bodies (heavenly…mmm…), the way they carry themselves, their fascinating struggle and…
I’m hoping that they’re ultimately beautiful hugger too.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)10 Shots 26 detik. Untuk Seumur Hidup.
Wajahnya lusuh. Matanya nanar dan menyiratkan kebingungan orientasi. Rambutnya acak-acakkan dan nafasnya bau alkohol yang sangat keras. Sesekali dia mengerjap karena cahaya pagi yang dia rasa seperti menusuk-nusuk bola matanya, siap membunuhnya. Lelaki muda itu berusaha untuk tetap membuka matanya. Kaos oblong putihnya agak lusuh dan di celana boxernya ada noda hitam yang lengket seperti bekas oli mobil. Or, is it? Dia terduduk di pos satpam sebuah gedung yang ada club malamnya di bilangan Jakarta Selatan. Celingukan berusaha untuk terjaga dan memasukkan kejadian dan keberadaannya di sebuah pos satpam kecil di parkiran sebuah gedung dalam keadaan tak berbaju lengkap, ke dalam kesadarannya. Lelaki muda itu mengerjapkan matanya lagi. Auw. Kenapa kacamatanya patah? Kenapa dia ada di sini? Kenapa dia tidak berbaju lengkap? Ke mana bajunya? O iyah. Terlipat rapih di sebelahnya. Hm. Setidaknya begitu yang dia lihat ketika dia terbangun karena goyangan satpam yang cukup keras di bahunya. Satpam yang baik.
Mereka membawanya ke pos dan menanyainya pertanyaan-pertanyaan: Anda siapa? Kenapa tidur di parkiran? Anda dari mana? Apa ada yang mau dikasih tahu Anda berada di sini? Boleh lihat identitasnya? Dia merogoh kantong celana boxernya. Dompet. Dompetnya tidak ada. Sepertinya dia ke tempat ini, tunggu…di mana sih dia ini sebetulnya? Tanyanya pada si satpam yang menyebutkan sebuah nama gedung. Lelaki muda itu berpikir lagi. Tapi itu kan Jumat dia ada di sana. Sekarang hari apa? Tanyanya lagi pada si Satpam. Satpam menjawab hari Sabtu. Hm. APA?!?!?! SABTU?!?!?! Lalu ke mana dompetnya? Kunci mobilnya? Handphone-nya? Apa yang terjadi? Koq saya ada di sini? Sabtu?!?!?!
***
Sebuah kamar, sebuah tempat tidur yang penuh muntah-muntahan orang mabuk, seorang lelaki muda lain yang tertidur dengan mulut terbuka. Tiba-tiba pintu kamar terbuka, seorang wanita muda menjerit memanggil nama Tuhan dan lelaki muda itu. Mengguncang-guncang tubuhnya dan menepuk pipinya hingga terbangun. Si wanita berkata setengah berteriak, "Ke mana si Andre? Aduh ini muntah lagi yah? Ampuuuunnn…!!!" Lelaki muda terbangun dan mengatakan bahwa Andre ada di bawah. Kunci mobilnya ada di kantung celananya dan memprotes kepanikan si wanita yang disuruhnya diam, lalu kembali tidur. Si wanita menjelaskan bahwa lelaki muda yang bernama Andre itu tidak ada di bawah, di atas, di mobil dan di mana-mana. Dia hilang. Dia juga belum pulang ke rumahnya. Sudah dicek ke rumah si anu, itu, ini, mereka semua bilang, Andre pergi sama kamu dan sekarang ke mana dan di mana dia? Handphone-nya tidak bisa ditelpon. Dengan masih menutup mata lelaki muda yang masih ingin tidur itu menjawab, mungkin di bawah-di garasi-di dalam mobil. Dan sekali lagi menunjuk ke celananya untuk memberitahu di mana kunci mobil Andre berada.
Si wanita misuh-misuh, mengambil kunci mobil lelaki hilang yang bernama Andre dan keluar kamar. Di garasi juga tidak ada mobil Andre. Di luar rumah juga tidak. Lalu mulailah dia menelepon sana-sini. Akhirnya seorang yang bernama Beni diutus untuk mencari Andre. Tetapi ke mana? Ke club itu saja, kata si wanita. TIdak mungkin, mereka pergi berdua dan pasti pulang berdua. Handphone Andre dicoba untuk dihubungi sekali lagi tapi tidak berhasil. Akhirnya handphone Beni berbunyi, sebuah nomor asing muncul di layar. Ada suara Andre si lelaki yang hilang itu di speaker. Dia minta dijemput di gedung tempat club itu berada. Dan dia bilang kalau handphone-nya entah ke mana. Dan dia akan mencoba menjelaskan semuanya nanti di perjalanan. O yah, kunci mobilnya juga hilang dan juga dompetnya. Dia akan menjelaskan semuanya kalau ketemu. Tapi tolong cepat jemput karena hari ini hari pernikahan sepupu, dia harus ke salon dan pokoknya sudahlah, jemput saja.
***
Beni menjemput Andre yang sempat hilang tadi. Andre terlihat lusuh seperti orang-orang homeless di videoclip dan pilem-pilem Hollywood. Beni tertawa-tawa. Dan memberikan dompet serta kunci mobil Andre yang dikira hilang tadi ke anak itu. Beni berbicara sebentar kepada Satpam yang berlomba menceritakan ‘penemuan’ mereka di Sabtu pagi itu. Mereka kira Andre sudah mati. Atau dirampok. Karena kacamatanya patah dan dia tidak berbaju lengkap dan dompet, handphone serta kunci mobilnya hilang. Untung saja ingatannya masih ada. Jadi bisa menelepon teman untuk menjemput. Kalau itu juga hilang….wah…kata mereka prihatin. Satpam-satpam yang baik.
***
Di dalam mobil Beni tertawa puas-puas. Andre pusing-pusing karena hangover dan rasa bodoh yang tak tergambarkan. Bagaimana kalau pacarnya tahu? Bagaimana kalau orang tuanya tahu? Bagaimana kalau teman-temannya tahu? Beni disumpah untuk tidak bercerita pada apapun yang bernafas, berbicara dan mengenal mereka berdua. Beni tidak bisa berhenti tertawa. Dia cuma heran apa yang diminum Andre sehingga hilang akal dan hilang aurat di parkiran sebuah gedung seorang diri pula. Andre tidak ingat apa-apa. Dia hanya ingat terakhir kali dia minum 10 shot dalam waktu 26 detik dan hadiahnya adalah lebih banyak lagi shot dan dia sudah akan pulang dan memutuskan pulang naik taksi dengan si Doni yang juga sudah mabuk berat. Lalu hal berikutnya adalah bahunya digoyang keras-keras oleh seseorang berseragam biru satpam dan sinar matahari membutakan matanya.
***
Apa kata pacarnya nanti? Apa kata orang tuanya? Apa kata teman-temannya? Tapi tidak ada yang tertawa lebih keras dan berpendapat lain daripada Tsuma yang mendengar cerita itu dan lalu menelpon Andre hari Seninnya. Tsuma bahkan menyelamatinya. Tsuma bilang, ‘Akhirnya, kamu jadi lelaki betul. Begajulan sampai ngilang di parkiran gedung. Akhirnya kamu mendapatkan legendamu sendiri. Karena seorang dan setiap lelaki harus mendapatkan legenda mereka sendiri. Satu saja, untuk seumur hidup."
***
Diceritakan lagi sekitar 5 kali dalam waktu 24 jam ke 8 orang lain yang kita sama-sama kenal, untuk seumur hidup. "Jadi gara-garanya itu, Andre menang minum 10 Shots dalam 26 Detik, gue nggak ikut, tapi itu sms dia yang terakhir ke gue…"
***
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